things go wrong
if within six months of your marriage you realised, that you and your
spouse are not really made for each other?
Marriage. In theory, it seems like an ideal state for the first few months
after the ceremony. Well, a good marriage is swell, but what if it never
clicks? What if despite hundreds of things that went into making this
heavenly plan take place, you feel that this is not it; that your spouse
is not the person of your dreams?
Things do go wrong and there are a number of cases where despite minute
looking into of specific details, you come to know of the truth only when
you start living with a person. And even if all was well on the exterior,
there is that chance that you may just not like your spouse enough to
want to fall in love with him or her.
Anyway, so what should you do?
you bothered and cross with your spouse for no specific reason?
find out the reason for yourself. If it is just small things like
s/he can't decide between a masala dosa and a plate of noodles in
a restaurant, or isn't bothered even if there has been no water supply
for two days, don't fret. Please! Give a marriage enough reason to
want to look for a solution. Usual crossness is okay, because don't
forget that the first six months besides being a honeymoon is also
the time when you are getting "adjusted" (where else you thought the
word sprang from?) to each other. There will be pangs of discomfort
off and on. Find what is behind the question mark that has taken shape
in your head.
that started out great have just as much chance to say bye-bye as
marriages that didn't start out that great.
So don't start worrying in the initial few months if your spouse is
absolutely not "The Right One". Nonone ever is. People who hang in
are not very different from people who hang up on marriage. Pack your
idealistic dreams and think. Can you grow strong as a team? Now that
you are in it, hurriedly deciding to get out won't make any difference
to your chances for a second marriage anyway. As writer Adela Rogers
St John said "There is so little difference between husbands you might
as well keep the first." She had five. So she knew what she said.
So hang on and see if it works. But please don't have a baby. We all
know that children do nothing to make a weak marriage stronger. It
is a total misconception that things will be fine once you have a
if your spouse has epileptic fits and you were never enlightened about
it? Ah. Here's a very good reason to want to pack up. Remember
it is not the illness, it is the deceit that you are protesting against.
It could be illness, it could be an earlier broken marriage, it could
be lying to you about property and assets. Anything. Deceit needs
to be questioned. Weigh your dislikes and ideals in life. Unless you
are so much in love that anything goes or you don't mind being a victim,
good luck to you. But plan to see a therapist very soon, because sooner
than later the many shades of deceit will grate your nerves more than
if it is things like BO or everyday habits and hygiene?
Sounds a little far-fetched in Indian society where even severe
verbal and physical abuse isn't enough ground for divorce? But the
fact is that it is very probable that you start disliking a spouse
because of bad hygiene or small little faults like being untidy and
unclean about the house, the bedroom, and the bathroom. If you are
not made for each other, this is just the seed for dislike. It will
sprout and grow into some major row and cause for argument. And the
newest range of deodorants will not help. Besides habits don't change
overnight. Small concerns these, but if felt, they need to be pointed
out and sorted out.
may not be able to put a finger to what's wrong, yet you know at the
bottom of your heart, it won't work. That
dread in the pit of your stomach about your marriage will soon have
the thoughts of an early divorce crisscrossing your mind. How can
people say that divorce makes you a failure? You took a chance. You
even tried to make it work. If it still doesn't, no amount of tolerance
or adjustment is going to help you love someone you virtually despise,
whatever your reasons. Divorce may be a necessity in some cases. Like
a bandage that has to be tied to a bleeding wound.