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Relationship Making

Most people don't know how to do this. As a result, most relationships go through a predictable cycle: Relationship Making

  • Honeymoon: 1 week to 3 months

  • Struggle: Up to 3 years or more

  • Negotiation and peace or breakup

Relationship Making To avoid this cycle and establish a nourishing relationship for both of you, you and your partner need to have a deep, extended conversation. It may span many discussions, perhaps over weeks or even a month. The right time to initiate this conversation is when it's clear to both of you there is mutual interest and both of you are ready to go further. However, it is never too late to have this conversation, even if you have been together for years. Cover the following topics in this conversation: Relationship Making

  • What you expect from each other, or from a "relationship partner," on the emotional, mental and everyday levels.

  • What actions, words and feelings each of you needs from the other, or from a "relationship partner," in order for both of you to thrive.

  • What you and your partner refuse to tolerate in a relationship and from a "relationship partner."

While having this conversation, it is important that you both listen to each other intently, frequently paraphrasing what the other person is saying.

Relationship Making
You want to make sure there is mutual understanding. You both will want to reflect on what is being said by sharing your thoughts and feelings. However, under no circumstances do you want to react to each other or make each other wrong for what is being said. Remember that each of you has a right to your own view of what is needed and desired in a relationship.

If in the end you both decide you have enough in common to pursue the relationship further, you will need to negotiate how the relationship is actually conducted. You will need to agree, disagree or negotiate to uphold the verbalized parameters in your relationship.

Relationship Making I know this probably sounds very unromantic, almost artificial. But believe me, this is how the best relationships are created.

The two of you are much better off entering a relationship with your eyes open, knowing what is expected of you, what you can expect in return, what you can count on from your relationship.

This extended conversation allows for the absence of power struggle. It fosters harmony and ease of being together. It will give the two of you the rare opportunity to establish deep intimacy.