|The Ten Rules of Arranged marriage
There are times in a person's life when he needs to
take crucial decisions on his own. Marriage is one of them. Believe me, the
decision on whom to marry is the most important decision a person will make in
his life. After marriage, your wife is the most important person in your life.
She can make or break your life. The mere thought of this is very frightening.
Rule 1 - Magic no. 28
In an ideal scenario, a girl
goes to college at the age of 18. By the time she graduates, goes for her post
graduation and/ or works for 1-2 years, she will be about 23- 24. This means
that she has spent about 5 years away from her home. In the 5 years period, she
would meet many smart guys at college or during her first few years on job. So,
in all probability it would be difficult to find a good girl older than 24 yrs.
Secondly, in Indian families there is lot of pressure on the girl's to get
married by the time they become 24-25.
Statistics says that there
is a generation gap after every 5 years. So, in such scenario, one would prefer
to marry a girl who is about 3-4 years younger to you. Thus, working backwards,
an ideal age for a guy to get married is by 28. Earlier the marriage, the
better it is.
Well, as we all know, in the
current market scenario, there will never be stability in our career. So, I
believe there is no such thing as, "I will marry when I settle down".
Rule 2 -- Subset of marriage-able girls
At times you hear statements
like, "I am not getting the right match, I will look after 3 months, I
will find a better match then". Well the truth is otherwise. The subset of
unmarried girl looking for a match is fixed. From this subset, there would be
girls who would get married & there would be new girls added who would be
looking for a match. The net result is that at any given time, the variety
& number of marriage-able girls are fixed.
Rule 3 - Competition for girls
Like all other facets of
life, there is lot of competition for good girls. In my own case, I was rejected by girls. So, if you are looking
for a girl who is post graduate, done her Engg, is working, very beautiful,
smart, from a good family etc. etc, just think again. There are other guys who
are also looking for similar girls & probably they are better off than you
in terms of career, looks personality etc. Given a choice every guy would like
to marry Aishwarya Rai, but then for all Ashs in the world, there are many
Salman Khans who also want to marry them. So, set your expectations
Rule 4 -- Understanding girls
You would have met a lot of
people during your life. As we all know, its difficult to judge a person based
on a few meetings. I am sure you would agree with me that in case of girls it
is even more difficult to understand them in a few meetings. I am still trying
to understand my wife? Understanding your spouse is a life long assignment. So, then how do you
select a girl based on a few meeting? This is where you need to take the help
of your parents/ friends & latest technologies like email/ chat to choose
Rule 5 - Society expectation
The selection process is
tough on every one who is involved in the process. In arranged marriage,
involvement of family & society is pretty high. You can't meet a girl 3-4
times & then say no to her. It is bad for her future. So, you should have a
good short-listing criterion. Meet only a few girls & be sure what you are
looking for. It is for the benefit of everyone involved.
Rule 6 -- Marriage between equals
Unlike love marriage, in
arranged marriage you also marry into the girl's family. In arranged marriages,
family support plays a major role in ensuring a successful marriage. This is
where the compatibility of social status, family values & caste/ religion
plays a major role. Its important to note that in case there is a perfect match
between the two families, the marriage is destined to succeed.
Rule 7 -- Know yourself
Unlike love marriage, in
arranged marriage you first marry a person & then fall in love. So, it's
very important that you do a self-assessment on the kind of person you would
love. They say, "Opposite attract", while they also say, "Bird
of same feather flock together". So, you take a call on what sort of
person you like. Take a pen & paper; write down the kind of attributes you
are looking for in a girl. Say, she should ideally have the looks of Sonia, the
style of Monica, the voice of Sheena, the patience of Rashmi. You will
certainly not find the perfect girl, but then you would have a good idea of
what you are looking for. The secret here is to set some minimum criteria for
selection. Don't forget rule no.3 here.
Rule 8 -- Girl's Beauty
A girl's looks attract, but
then no one wants to end up marrying a dumb blonde. It is like buying your
bike. When you initially buy it, you are crazy about the looks, but later on
you love it for its reliability, fuel economy & comfort level. Similarly, a
girl's looks are important, but then it should not be the most important
criteria. Later on it life, you will get bored of her looks. It is then that
her personality & behavior will make all the difference to your marriage. I
am sure your parents will be able to advice you a lot better on this topic.
Rule 9 -- Taking advice
As I have mentioned in the
next rule, it's very important that the final decision on whom to marry must
necessarily be yours. However, don't do the mistake of isolating yourself from
the world while planning your marriage. Discuss with your parents & very
close friends on this issue. They are your well wishers. Secondly, in such
important matters its necessary that you analyze all possibilities. Remember, I
am not suggesting that you follow others' advice, but don't forget to take
Rule 10 -- Own decision
All said & done, it's
your marriage & your life that is at stake. Once you are married, you &
your wife are the only persons who will be facing the music. Don't marry a girl
just because your parents or friends asked you to do so. After marriage, if
things don't work out & you end up saying, "It's because of my friends
or my parents that I married you", then your marriage is destined for
disaster. If the girl is of your choice, it is you who will be responsible for
whatever happens. That's when the marriage works out perfectly. So, ensure that
you marriage the girl of your choice.
Finally, my dear friends, marriage is all about
compromises. In spite of all the planning that you do, there are a lot of
uncertainties in a marriage. In fact
this is the best part about marriage. Just remember that the person you
marry must be of your choice. In such case, there would be no going back for
both of you.