Building Intimacy

There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy,... women ask them anyway. But, here are the replies - so enjoy ! The five questions are :

"What are you thinking?"

"Do you love me?"

"Do I look fat?"

"Do you think she is prettier than me?"

"What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.

1. "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"

The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time. The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2. "DO YOU LOVE ME?"

The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those quys who feel they need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers: I suppose so. Would it make you feel better if I said yes. That depends on what you mean by "love". Does it matter? I'm sorry, were you talking to me?

3. "DO I LOOK FAT?"

The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and than quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include: I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either. Compared to what? A little extra weight looks good on you. I've seen fatter. It doesn't matter to me ...

4. "DO YOU THINK SHE'S PRETTIER THAN ME?"

The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include: Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. I don't know how one goes about rating such things. Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. Your far better, I was just having a look !

5. "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED?"

Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first truck that came my way." Just a few words - I would miss you more than you can think ! (or) I would wait for my own death.