buzz - 10
things guys must know before making love the first time.
1. Get to
know her romantic dreams
She may be the most contemporary girl you've come across, but she
may still hold the image of her 'knight in shining armour'. Rarely
does a husband fit in with the image of a 'Prince Charming', but
it will ease her up if you talk about her dreams. The very fact
that you're sensitive to her dreams will draw you closer to her.
2. Is she a virgin?
She may be, she may be not. Take it in crude words--either way,
it should not be your problem. Of course, it is natural for you
to be curious. But if you ask her, you might betray a certain lack
of trust and a conservatism that few girls appreciate these days.
Don't look out for signs on whether she has bled or not after the
first time. Don't be obvious about your curiosity. Let the subject
come up on its own. If your relationship is good, you will talk
about it, sooner or later. Her past has little to do with your future.
3. Love her before you lust after her
There is that old saying "A man gives love to get sex, while a woman
gives sex to get love." But the bridging of these natural differences
doesn't come as easily as it sounds. A woman will open up to your
lust and sexual desire if she is convinced about your love for her.
If it is just her breasts or legs that you're after, she will get
the vibes in no time and intimacy will be a long drawn issue between
4. Don't hurry her up
A woman's desire takes time to swell, and when it does, it takes
time to ebb. If you, as her lover, take on the role of a sergeant
major asking for a minute to minute account of combat between the
sheets, she's had it! Don't forget, she can't climax as quickly
as you can. Possibly, she may not climax at all for the first time.
The "wham, bam, thankyou ma'am" is about the most off-putting thing
that can happen to a woman in bed. Until the time you're both close
enough to agree to quickies, make it slow and heady.
5. Ask her how and where
She may want to guide you, but chances are she seldom will. It is
not just about women, even men take a while to tell their partners
about where they would like to be touched and how. She may just
expect you to take the initiative in asking her. And if you can
talk to each other about the "how" and the "where", you can look
forward to a lot of sexual thrill together.
6. Its okay if she says no for the first time
Many a "suhaag raat" is ruined because the bride is too shy, too
scared, too anxious or too self-conscious to make love. She may
even be having her period. It is okay. Look at it this way, it is
not the easiest thing in the world to shed clothes and make passionate
love with a man, who may well be a little bit of a stranger. She
is only getting to know you. Don't take her multiple apprehensions
for the first time as rejection. It is not about you, it is about
her. And it is okay.
7. Don't be monosyllabic when she queries you.
It is not just men who are curious about a woman's past life. She
will come with her own baggage of conditioning. She may be one who
has been brought up to believe that well, "most men have done it
before marriage." Her curiosity is not jealousy or animosity, so
don't shrug her off with monosyllables. Answer her patiently and
satisfactorily. This is also your opportunity to ease her into physical
intimacy through emotional comfort.
8. Contraception is your concern too
Men who make love without even bothering to ask about any birth
control precautions come across as callous and selfish. It is a
fact that even now in our country, men think that contraception
is a woman's headache. It is not. Make it a point to discuss a mutually
suitable birth control way with her and she will know that you care
9. Hug her and hold her close
You know this one too. For women lovemaking is not just sex. Hugs,
kisses or just cuddling up together can make for warm foreplay for
most women. So whether you make love on the first night or not,
be sure that you hold each other close and let your emotions seep
into each other. The feel of a man's arms around her can reduce
the most restrained of women to helpless mush. Try it, there are
few things like it.
10. Demonstrate your dependability
Lovemaking may be a lot about passion, but marriage is about dependability.
It is said that the way a man makes love demonstrates his character.
If you really care for her, the bedroom is the place where you can
demonstrate it in a hundred ways. On the flip side, if you are a
selfish, pleasure seeking, narrow-focussed guy, be assured even
that will come across. It is just the way you touch, kiss and feel
a woman that says it all.